Sick & Tired

Did you know that grief can affect your immune system? Between the stress of Joe’s cardiac arrest, spending 12 days in ICU, planning his funeral, and all the things that followed, my body finally said “enough is enough” the day after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, I haven’t fully recovered yet. What started out as a sinus infection that was headed towards bronchitis with a cough that never went away, has now turned into another sinus infection and an ear infection. Who gets ear infections at 59?

I’m doing all the things I should be. Probiotics to counter the antibiotics, vitamin C, rest, warm liquids, staying hydrated. I’m not so sick that I can’t go to work (and no I’m not contagious), and I am spending time with friends and family. The nights are the worst though. The anxiety that comes from being sick has always been an issue for me. That was when Joe knew just what to do. He was the best caregiver, which is hard to find sometimes in men. No offense to all you men out there, but it’s true. Guys aren’t typically built that way. I think Joe learned how from watching his mom care for his dad who beat cancer twice, and maybe a little from me taking care of him during his own cancer journey. Either way, he always took such great care of me, but now it’s all on me. And that is probably adding to the stress of it all.

To say I am sick and tired of this illness would be an understatement. To say there is a song that goes with my misery wouldn’t be too far of a stretch. To know that it was on Joe’s playlist makes sense because I know he was so over dealing with the effects of chemotherapy years after he was cancer-free.

This song speaks to my life right now. Not just this temporary sickness but my whole life. My days do drag on and my nights last forever. Some days I am finding it tough just to keep it together. I know I need to find joy in life again. To find “home” again. I’m a long ways from that, but I’ll get there.

Now, off to buy more Kleenex and cough drops. Have you found the stress of losing someone has affected you physically?