This ain’t nothin’

Boy, the pity party has been raging around here for days! It started when what I thought was a cold jumped into high gear two nights ago. I tried to sleep in the living room, sitting upright because I couldn’t breathe or stop coughing when I laid down. Instead, I was up all-night. It wasn’t much better last night, and the couch was my friend again, but sleep was not. My poor dogs just want to climb in bed and wiggle their way under the covers, but instead I get two 45-pound bodyguards piled up on a six-foot couch.

And I love them for it, but nobody slept.

Then, I went to my GriefShare meeting last night. You know, the meeting that’s supposed to help me navigate all these feelings by sharing them with others who are walking the same path? I was the only participant last night. The two ladies that facilitate the meeting were wonderful, but that’s not exactly what I signed up for.

The weather, and specifically the fog here in Tulsa, has been horrible for more days than I can count now. Navigating my way home last night was not fun. The lack of sunshine has me and my dogs getting more depressed by the minute.

Finally, this morning, I went to the doctor who confirmed yet ANOTHER sinus infection. Is this three or four now since Joe passed away? I’ve lost count. Grief has completely depleted my immune system. After agreeing to lovely nasal brain swabs to rule out Covid and the flu, I came home with a new antibiotic and another round of steroids.

Feeling like shit, it seemed appropriate to continue my pity party for the rest of the day. Once I’m on the downhill slide I find it pretty easy to feel sorry for myself.

But my Joe and my God had other plans. As I was scanning YouTube tonight they put this song in front of me.

And then Facebook threw a memory at me from 2022 from my devotional.

And if that wasn’t enough, a wonderful memory from many years ago popped up. A night out on the town with great friends that involved good food, way too many adult beverages (Joe called them Mexican icees), and lots of laughs.

Clearly, I just needed a new perspective today. Sickness will come and go. People won’t show up for meetings. Sleep will be fleeting. And sometimes the sun won’t shine (but seriously, it better come out soon). I have a roof over my head, food on my table, friends and family lifting me up, and a God and a guardian angel who are always with me making sure I remember to smile at least once every day.

This ain’t nothin’.