Losing it

Today was frantic. I came home for lunch determined to find the memorial book the funeral home put together from Joe’s service. I was looking for something inside of it. But I couldn’t find the book anywhere. I turned the house upside down, my heart beating out of my chest, tears streaming down my face as each place I looked uncovered nothing. I drove back to work, crying uncontrollably.

This is ridiculous, why am I so upset? It has to be somewhere. My sister-in-law offered to come over and help me look for it this evening. Less than 30 minutes in and we found it in the spare bedroom closet, tucked safely away in a file box.

More tears.

Grief is so strange. Things that seem utterly ridiculous to get upset about are the things that send me off the rails. I think I’m just trying to hang on to every last bit of Joe that I can.

The thought of losing anything feels like losing him all over again.