Dear everyone

It was suggested in my grief group that I write a grief letter to friends and family so everyone knows exactly where I am. Honestly, it sounded a little narcissistic. But then I thought about my friends who have walked this path. It would have been useful to know how they were and what I could do to help as time went on.

I didn’t want to send individual letters though. The last thing I want is to set someone back in their own grief journey by receiving such a letter. So, I decided to write the letter and post it here instead.

Dear Friends and Family,

It’s been almost five months since Joe left this world. Just saying that out loud is unbelievable. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve appreciated the sweet gifts, cards, notes, and the love and generosity you have shown to me and our family.

Life has returned to normal for most of you, and even for me to an extent. The daily routine of work, keeping up with the house and the dogs has not changed. What has changed is doing it all alone now, and that transition is proving to be difficult for me. The numbness I’ve been feeling over the last five months has lifted and I’m left with the raw pain of him being gone.

So many of you have asked what you can do to help me at this stage.

Continue to pray. Really, really pray. For my heart, for our family’s hearts. We are all stepping out of the fog of the last five months. The shock of it all is wearing off and now the reality hits hard.

Don’t stop reaching out. Many of you continue to check in on me, asking me to join you for dinner or other events. And while I know I turn more down than I attend, your offers make me feel part of life again. I know my limits, and sometimes “no” is the only answer I can muster. But please don’t stop asking. I promise you one of these days the answer will almost always be “yes”.

Be patient with me. My life as a happily married woman is over. And you all know that my world was wrapped up in being Joe’s wife. I just have to find my place in the midst of my sadness. The weekends are the hardest. While many think staying busy helps, it really doesn’t. Piling activities on top of grief just buries the grief deeper. But I have been working through it. Writing my blog has helped tremendously. Some days it feels like two steps forward and three steps back. But not every day.

Talk about my Joe The stories of how Joe impacted your lives warms my heart. Please don’t stop telling me stories about him. Say his name. Laugh about his craziness and his beautiful soul. Talking about him keeps his memory alive for all of us.

I have so many joys in my life. A wonderful son and son-in-law, amazing family, cherished friends. Know that I am praying for each and every one of you. For your health and your happiness. Your love means the world to me.

Gratefully yours,

Kelly