Babe

My dear friend Jennifer came over on Monday. She brought us dinner, and we talked for hours about love and life, grief and survival. She understands exactly where I am because she walked this very path eight years ago after losing her husband Roger. Roger & Joe’s circumstances surrounding their deaths were very similar. She knows what it feels like to have that love ripped away from you in a moment, with no warning.

Jennifer is truly one of the strongest women I know. She has endured so much. She remained steadfast, making the best decisions she could for her children. She has found her place in this world. She has found love again with a new husband and they have melded their families together in such a way you’d have thought they had been together forever.

Her strength encourages me to keep moving forward.

As I laid my head down to sleep that night, I was consumed with thoughts of Joe. Wondering if he and Roger had found each other on the other side, if they had been right there in the room with us as Jennifer and I visited. I know how proud Roger must be of his wife and her strength. I wondered if Joe is proud of the way I’m walking through this without him.

Imagine my surprise at 3am when just one word woke me up.

“Babe”

That was all he said, but it was my Joe’s voice speaking to me clear as day. I sat straight up and looked around the room. One dog on Joe’s pillow beside me and the other on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, both out like a light. I immediately started crying, but they were tears of joy. While I yearned for him to say more, that one word gave me so much peace.

Perhaps he visited just to say he was listening, and he is proud of me.