Crazy train

Well, it’s official! I’ve stepped off the deep end and my dogs genuinely think I’ve lost it. I went home for lunch today and realized I forgot to change the HVAC filters over the weekend. They are in the ceiling. Being only five-foot tall, getting to them from my stepstool is a challenge. But I’ve done it before.

Opening the filter cover was no problem. They are hinged so the door stays on and just swings open. Taking the old filter out was easy. Putting the new filter in and closing/latching the door proved to be difficult this time. The filter fell out five times before I could get the door closed! The first time, no big deal. With each subsequent drop I started yelling at Joe and screaming at the universe.

I realize it wasn’t Joe’s fault the manufacturer made this batch of filters just the tiniest bit smaller than they needed to be. It certainly wasn’t his fault my legs and arms aren’t any longer than they are. My frustration wasn’t even due to the fact he wasn’t here to do this for me.

It was just another way for life to remind me that he’s gone. THANK’S LIFE! I DON’T NEED REMINDING!

It made me so angry. It made me so sad. It made me say cuss words that even my dogs had never heard before, followed by those giant tears that can’t be stopped. Grief is so strange. You tool along thinking you’re doing okay and something so silly hits you the wrong way and BAM!

I felt so bad for yelling and screaming in front of the girls. I gave them extra love (and extra treats) before I went back to work. Now I’m just exhausted and mad at myself for losing control. I just hope Joe wasn’t listening to my crazy.