Led by example

When my husband was just a child he lost his father suddenly. His death had a profound impact on my Joe, but as luck would have it, he would get another chance to have a father. His mom remarried and Joe and his little sister were adopted by their stepfather.

When Joe and I married in 2001 he became a stepfather to my 14-year-old son Jeff. Joe didn’t have any other children.

Being a stepparent has to be one of the hardest things in life. You’re not the original, but you still have to be the adult, and you have to navigate your way through so much history, sometimes so much pain, and find a way to connect with a child that isn’t biologically yours, but one you love just as much.

Joe loved Jeff. They bickered like any father and son would about responsibilities and attitude. Joe taught him practical things about life and probably about a few things Jeff didn’t really care about. He helped him in every crisis along the way, supported his dreams, and would have defended him to the ends of the earth. When Jeff graduated from both high school and college, Joe was beaming with pride right alongside me.

I believe Joe was such an incredible stepdad to Jeff because he learned from some equally incredible people. When his mom remarried it was something straight out of The Brady Bunch. Multiple kids thrown into a new family dynamic. The patience and perseverance his parents showed over the years raising their family produced the most loving and caring adults I’m honored to call my in-laws today.

Raising a child isn’t easy. Raising a child of divorce in a new marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. But my child and my husband made it so easy.

I’m grateful for the impact Joe had on my son’s life. And I’m grateful for the people who laid the groundwork ahead of Joe. Their example led him to be the best father he could be.

When Joe passed away Jeff was heartbroken. In a social media post he thanked Joe for letting him be his son. If he could, I know Joe would be thanking Jeff for letting him be his other dad.