Against the wind

Sometimes this grief is like a strong wind blowing me back against my own steps. Some days I feel as if I am making progress. Other days I feel like I am standing still.

It’s exhausting walking into the wind. It steals all of your energy and sometimes steers you in the wrong direction, until you are so lost you don’t know yourself anymore.

A friend, who lost his wife a year ago, commented the other day he was “so weary of feeling lost”. I couldn’t have described it better. I’ve been lost for so long now I’m physically and emotionally weary. I don’t know who I am without my Joe. We spent so many years being us. I don’t know how to just be me now.

When I find myself at my lowest, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:31

Now I have to tell you I don’t recall that verse because I am faithful at reading my bible. I am actually terrible at it. A lot of my biblical references are because I remember them from devotionals I’ve read, movies I’ve seen or songs I’ve heard, and they spoke to me. This one was in the movie “Remember the Titans” when the Rev & Larry Lastik were trying to motivate the team.

Isaiah’s words make me believe that God is listening. He sees what I am going through, just as He saw the Israelites who had been living in exhile in Babylon for decades. They were worn out from their hardship when they received this promise. His promise.

I am worn out. My friend is worn out. I find myself seeking shelter against the wind. For me, I find that shelter in my faith. The Lord will renew my strength. I am praying He renews the strength of my friend, and every grieving person out there so we can all move forward towards whatever life He has for us.