Times like these

I joined a new online grief group recently. I was looking for answers. It only took reading a dozen posts to realize there wasn’t a single person there who could answer my questions, because grief is such an individual journey.

Of course, the individual journey continues, and with it comes days of sadness that are hard to overcome. I felt like I had no control over the funk I have been in lately. I think it directly correlates to another first coming up soon, my late husband Joe’s birthday is this weekend. The sadness was overtaking me, and I was on a desperate quest for answers. A desperate quest for joy.

Any answers. Any joy.

It seemed an impossible task.

And then, last night, spending time with my family, holding my nephew’s brand-new baby girl and playing blocks with my grand-nephew, everything came into focus. Joy is all around me. And miraculously the funk lifted overnight. I feel like I can breathe again. My shattered heart feels a tiny bit lighter today.

I was ready to run away and leave it all behind until last night. I realize now that my problem isn’t finding the joy. My problem is letting it in. Allowing the joy to bypass the grief, to defeat the sorrow, to outweigh the sad.

That’s what I need to focus on – letting the joy in.

I know there will be more days like this past week, more times like these to overcome. I’ve got a long way to go, but this feels like “a new day rising. There’s a brand-new sky to hang the stars upon tonight”.

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these, time and time again