Life without you

I went on vacation last week. I traveled to Florida with my son, his partner, and the rest of my family. We were there to honor my parents on the same beach we spent most every childhood vacation. Of course, the destination was also where my late husband and I spent most every vacation together as well.

Close to thirty family members gathered to memorialize my parents on what would have been their 69th wedding anniversary in a lovely ceremony. Of course I wrote about it (The house that built me – WidowSpeak).

We laughed, we cried, we reminisced.

The fact that Joe wasn’t there wasn’t lost on anyone. His absence was glaringly evident. He wasn’t there to play with all the little ones the way they loved for him to. His big personality and infectious smile didn’t make itself known wherever we went. And he wasn’t there to stand with me, Jeff & Danny as we said our final goodbye to my mom and dad.

He was surely missed.

But he was everywhere! He was in all of the extra hugs I received. In the fish bites from Breakers I ate in his honor the night we arrived. In our brick that I stood on as we ordered ice cream from his favorite ice cream shop on Flagler Avenue. He was in the restaurants we ate at, the Beacon for breakfast, Stavros for pizza, and the Corkscrew for a special dinner with Jeff & Danny.

My love for Joe was in all the seashells I gathered, and in every sunrise I forced myself to watch. It was in the sound of the Atlantic as it rolled in and out across the sand.

Life without Joe is not something I would have ever imagined or wanted, but it is my reality now. I’m hopeful, as time passes, I will be able to enjoy future vacations with less effort and more joy. But I’m thankful I was able to find the strength to take this trip with my family. They all helped carry me in their own way. And I am forever grateful for their love, and for the way they all loved my Joe.