It’s amazing

I’m not sure what happened, but lately the weight on my heart has been lighter. I feel like I can see a future in front of me, even without my Joe. Just to type that is hard, but also feels honest and real. It’s almost been a year since he went into cardiac arrest in the middle of our living room. The images of that day will probably never leave me, but I’m learning how to set them aside, replace them with happier moments from the last 23 years together.

I’m not saying I’m healed. You never heal from a loss like this. You just learn to live with it. I’m certainly not over him and never will be. My love for Joe has actually grown exponentially since he died.

But the human heart is amazing. It’s ability to repair the cracks enough to allow for life to continue is truly astonishing.

I find myself loving new (and old) music, instead of playing the same songs we enjoyed over and over again. I don’t feel the heaviness when I drive into the garage after work, even though that jacket is still hanging there (Cover me – WidowSpeak). I miss his love and his hugs and his smile. But seeing those beautiful hazel eyes in pictures speaks volumes. I can hear him telling me how proud he is of me. I can see the love in those eyes, and I carry that in my heart.

One of my favorite Aerosmith songs reminds me that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I can see it now. “It’s amazing, with the blink of an eye, you finally see the light. It’s amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright.”