September

I have dreaded the month of September’s arrival for the last year. I’ve worried how I would react, wondered if I would break down, even scheduled a trip to not be here on the anniversary of Joe’s death later this month.

When I woke this morning, I was relieved to not find the heaviness of grief cloaked over me like a weighted blanket. I have cried thousands and thousands of tears for my husband. I was grateful for the peace in my heart and the lack of tears in my eyes.

This morning, I welcomed September with a deep breath and a sense of calm. I don’t enjoy all the same things we used to do together. Steeler’s football won’t be in my future. But his love of music will stay with me forever. The fear of moving forward has lessened and my ability to find joy in this life has returned.

I am cautiously optimistic that my heart can handle whatever the month of September throws at me, what life will throw at me. I know there will be some hard days.

But worrying about them today won’t change the outcome tomorrow.