Grateful for connection

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since my husband passed away is the loneliness. It’s interesting to me because there were many times when Joe and I would both be home, sitting in the same room, and not saying a word to each other. The silence in this house is deafening now.

I thought I was ready to date. I even signed up online for one of those dating apps, but I got all the way to uploading a profile picture and deleted everything. The thought of dating a complete stranger is terrifying.

What I’ve learned is that I have to be willing to compromise. Now may not be the time to start dating. I think I need to just allow myself time to get to know new people without having the awkwardness of dating thrown in the mix.

My circle has been so small for decades. And I am so grateful for the friends I have around me. They have lifted me up in ways they may not even realize. They’ve been with me through the good times and the bad. The thought of just bringing someone new into the fold is quite scary.

I am loving the new relationships I’m building, whether with women walking the same path as me, or new friends that I text with into the night. Building new bonds is hard at my age but I’m learning how to. And if it’s hard for me, I have to imagine it’s hard for the new friends in my life.

So to everyone I’ve met since my grief journey began, thank you. Thank you for being open to new friendships, crazy enough to chat with a stranger, willing to be just as vulnerable, and allowing me to just be me.

The good in this world, and the beautiful people that fill it, makes my heart so happy.