The Human Touch

Touch depravation, also known as touch starvation or skin hunger, is a physiological and psychological condition that occurs when a person receives little to no physical contact from other living beings.

It’s a phenomenon no one wants to talk about. But this phenomenon is happening to almost every widow and widower out there. I say ‘almost’ because there may be a few who are happy not to be obliged in that department. But for me, I’m crawling out of the skin I wish someone was touching.

I am certain that people know how lonely I am. I’m also certain they aren’t interested in hearing me complain about it. So, most of the time I say nothing. Or sometimes I joke about it and say too much, and everybody gets embarrassed. It certainly isn’t casual dinner conversation.

I’m not just talking about sex. A casual hook-up might relieve some of your desires if you’re into that sort of thing. Or a ‘friends with benefits’ situation might be more your style. For someone like me, I have always correlated physical and emotional intimacy as one in the same. I don’t have it in me to keep it casual. I’ve already proven to myself in the last year how easily I can become emotionally attached to someone I’m physically attracted to. That’s who I am. And yes, I realize by putting that in print I have completely drained my already-shallow dating pool.

But what about all the those intimate moments that were ripped away? How do those of us who have lost our partners manage through this part of our journey? All the advice I find is the same. Channel your energy into physical activity, try massage therapy, talk it out with a counselor or trusted friend, find new connections.

I don’t know about you, but I hate to exercise. I won’t get massages because I’m very ticklish and also, I don’t want a stranger touching me (see casual hook-up comment above). I’m sure my therapist never, ever wants to talk about this subject again. And finding new connections? Well, that’s easier said than done. Especially when I would rather skip all the dating and just find a relationship to jump into because I know how to do that. Because I’m good at that.

I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. I just felt compelled to write about it. I know I’m not the only one out here longing for some intimacy. I miss the warmth of holding hands, the coziness of cuddling on the couch, the security of a long hug. I miss that more than anything.

I’ll leave you exactly where this blog found me – wanting more. Sending every widow and widower out there who is touch-deprived a virtual hug. I hope you all find the connection you’re looking for.