Widow Brain

I remember experiencing widow brain in the first year after losing my husband. I had to write myself notes constantly. Pay the trash company, the lawn guy, call about the gutters, don’t forget to breathe. I’d put sticky notes on the bathroom mirror in the mornings to remember my lunch or coffee creamer, and another on the door leading into the garage because inevitably I would forget about the bathroom mirror note fifteen minutes later.

I also remember feeling like that fog had lifted when year two rolled around. Apparently, it hadn’t.

Last week I took my dogs to the vet for a nail trim. As I stood at the counter to pay, I asked about purchasing their flea & tick meds. That’s when the young lady behind the desk reminded me that I forgot to get their vaccinations last year. I argued with her for a moment, sure we had done that. I was wrong. Today, I went in for my annual ob/gyn visit. When my doctor asked about last year’s mammogram my mouth just fell wide open. I missed that too. One whole year of forgetting these very important visits. But worst yet, one whole year of thinking I was on top of everything. So sure that I had done all those things and they were just rolling around again on the calendar.

You think you’re finally in a good headspace. You believe you’ve settled in to being the responsible adult you always were. No more massive grief distractions keeping you from living life as normally as possible. I’ve even patted myself on the back a time or two over the last year for how well I’ve been handling everything all by myself. I mean, I remember to change the air conditioning filters every quarter.

And now all I can think about is what else have I forgotten?

Needless to say, I will be more vigilant using the calendar and reminders on my phone. The girls are going in for shots tomorrow, and my girls are getting smashed on Saturday morning. Researching over-the-counter memory meds as I type this. Just gotta remember to buy them!