First of many

A year of firsts. When someone dies, one of the most common things for people to tell you is how hard all of the “firsts” will be. Your first Christmas without your loved one, first birthday, first anniversary of their death.

I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary just 28 days after my Joe passed away. All alone in the backyard bar he built for us, with the Amazon Music backyard playlist he created just for us blaring in the background. Joe loved beer and he was passionate about all music. His playlists were so eclectic. He introduced me to so many new types of music and different artists over the years that my taste in music mimics his now, for the most part. I still can’t get in to the angry, pissed off hard rock stuff (or can I?).

Anyway, I cracked opened a Blue Moon and the dogs and I curled up on the couch in the bar and listened to the music just as we would have on a Saturday night. I told myself I wasn’t going to skip forward but rather just let the songs play in whatever order they wanted to. Three songs in and a tune I’d never heard started playing. I swear Joe somehow made that song play on purpose, at that exact moment, on that exact day, just for me. It was Pink’s “When I Get There”. I listened to the whole thing, ugly cried ginormous tears in my beer, and then went to my sister’s house to cry some more.

This song is now on repeat on my playlist. It exemplifies what Heaven would be like for my Joe. If there is a bar up there, I know he’s sitting with friends having a beer. I know he’s just waiting for me to get there so he can share a new song he’s found. It breaks my heart and brings me peace to listen to it, over and over again.

Have you experienced any “firsts” yet and how did you navigate these amplified special days?