Glitter everywhere

I was cleaning out a closet the other day and came across a duffle bag that we have had for a very long time. We used it on short weekend trips when the packing was light, including the night we got married. When Joe & I were married we didn’t have a lot of money. We never went on a honeymoon. We were both still dealing with finances from our divorces, and I had a 14-year-old to take care of. We had our ceremony by the pool of a local hotel my company did business with, mostly because they gave me a great deal. But our ceremony was beautiful, and the party after was exactly what we wanted. Friends and family dancing, eating, drinking and enjoying each other’s company. Even our first dance song was simple.

The normal wedding traditions were still a part of our small, intimate ceremony. And Joe’s family made sure to follow up with the “after the ceremony” traditions of decorating our vehicle and hotel suite. I use the word “decorating” very loosely because they filled our car with glitter and kind of destroyed the hotel room by turning up the heater and wetting down all the towels, among other things. Nothing that couldn’t be remedied and all in good fun, except for that damn glitter. It was everywhere. Which brings me back to the duffle bag I found the other day.

It still had glitter in it, from 22 years ago!

I say all of that to share this with you. I saw this on the internet the other day and thought it was a perfect way to describe grief.

My grief is everywhere. It’s tucked into the corners of my eyes and runs down my face whenever it feels like it. It’s hiding in the closets and drawers of my house that are filled with Joe’s things. It’s in his jacket hanging in the garage that I can’t make myself take down. It’s in the living room furniture I can’t make myself rearrange. It’s in every song I hear. It’s there every time I go to bed with no one to kiss goodnight, and every morning I wake up alone.

I have zero control over my grief. And like the glitter that fell out of that duffel bag, no matter how many times I sweep it up there’s more hiding in the corners. Grief is not something I will ever get over, but rather it’s something I have to learn how to live with.

Are you finding your “glitter” in the strangest places? Tell me about it.