Memory in your mind

Over the last eight months, the memories that Facebook reminds me of have been so hard to see. Happier times filled with smiles and laughter.

I miss those times to my core.

Today marks one year since our very last vacation we ever took together. We visited our favorite little beach town, New Smyrna Beach, Florida. I grew up close to there and it holds so many memories for me as a child on family vacations. I remember the very first-time taking Joe there. He fell in love with it instantly, and we’ve been vacationing there ever since.

Today, I smiled and laughed looking at the photos of that trip last year. I also cried uncontrollably, because that’s what grief does to you. I always waiver back and forth about sharing memories of Joe on Facebook (yes, I’m old and that’s the only social media I use). I don’t want people to think I’m living in the past or struggling to exist. I’m doing okay most of the time, relatively speaking. There’s just so much love inside of me and my Joe isn’t here for me to give it to. I miss him so much.

I’ve learned along the way when the grief hits you have to let it wash all over you. You have to allow yourself the opportunity to miss them extra in that moment, to cry until it feels like there are no more tears (because trust me, there are), and to wallow in the sadness for a bit.

And then you have to get up and move forward. One step at a time.

“I know it feels hopeless sometimes

But they’re never really gone

As long as there’s a memory in your mind”