It’s okay to be okay

Throughout my grief journey many people have told me “It’s okay to not be okay”, and they were right. There are no rules when it comes to grief. Someone came up with the stages of grief a very long time ago (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). And all those things do happen, but they don’t happen in any particular order, and sometimes they happen over and over again.

It’s a lot like that ride at the fair, the Himalaya. You spin around and around in circles at a high rate of speed, being crammed flat against the edge of your seat, and just as the ride slows down and you think you can find some relief, it does it all over again BACKWARDS. All the while blaring rock music, flashing strobe lights and enveloping you in smoke.

What nobody tells you in the middle of your grief is:

IT’S OKAY TO BE OKAY

You will have days where things are fairly good. You’ll go to work, play with your grandchildren, visit with friends, enjoy a meal, watch a favorite tv show. There will be times when life feels like it did before. With one exception of course. In those moments don’t beat yourself up for feeling okay. Don’t guilt yourself back into the abyss of grief. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Many years ago, we found the country duo Joey & Rory, who competed on CMT’s “Can You Duet”. Not only did they sound incredible together, but they were so dedicated to each other, creating a God-honoring union that truly stood the test of time. Sadly, Joey was diagnosed with cervical cancer just 12 years into their beautiful marriage and she died two years later. Before she died, they recorded this song.

The selflessness it took to record this takes my breath away. But the message is so beautiful.

But life will call with daffodils
And morning glorious blue skies
You’ll think of me some memory
And softly smile to your surprise
And even though you love me still
You will know where you belong
Just give it time we’ll both be fine
When I’m gone

Life doesn’t stop just because someone dies. The bills still have to be paid, the kids fed, the dogs walked. But the flowers also need to be smelled, sunsets need to be viewed, and love needs to be shared. Will there be days where everything doesn’t feel fine? Absolutely. But there will also be days where we’re okay. And that’s okay.