But we’re all gonna be alright

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not into social media much. I hang out mostly on Facebook just to keep up with friends and family. I look at their pictures, see what’s new in their lives. But sometimes even Facebook can become too much. Between all the political bickering and those awful memories, I decided to take a social media break.

This time last year we were in the middle of it with Joe in ICU fighting for dear life. Twelve long days of hanging on to hope, crying, praying, barely eating or sleeping. I bargained with God a lot in those two weeks. I begged and pleaded to no avail. And because I updated everyone on Facebook every day, I now have seven more days of reminders I can’t bear to read.

Seven days until the anniversary of my beautiful man’s passing. I am putting up a strong front, but honestly, I’m crumbling inside. How in the world has an entire year gone by without my Joe?

“I am not okay
I’m hanging on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well”

On Saturday I’m taking Joe’s mom and sisters to his favorite little beach. Joe will come along for the ride, and I’ll leave more of him in the Atlantic Ocean as the sun rises each morning.

I’m hopeful, like the song says “the pain’ll wash away in a holy water tide”.

“I know, I can’t be the only one
Who’s holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But we’re all gonna be alright”