Dust in the wind

I’ve been cleaning out closets recently, getting rid of the junk that I have acquired over the years. I’ve come across a few things and wondered “why would Joe have ever bought that?” but I just shove it back into the closet, not ready to make a decision about keeping it. It’s the stuff that means nothing to me, the things that probably had no sentimental value to him, that I’m having trouble parting with.

Weird, huh?

I have no idea why I was able to give his truck to his brother and can’t let go of the fold-out chair he sat in at his last car show. I had no problem donating his clothes to the needy but that one coat is still hanging in the garage right where he left it (Cover me – WidowSpeak – Random thoughts after losing my husband). His tools went to his nephew, but I can’t seem to open either shed in the backyard to sort through what’s out there.

With permission, I’m positing Tim Hewitt’s cover of “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas. I saw them live back in the 80’s, but I kind of like this cover better. I’ve listened to it quite a few times recently. It’s beautiful, and the lyrics tell me what I need to hear. I’ll just play it over and over until they sink in.

“Don’t hang on, nothing last forever but the earth and sky. It slips away and all your money won’t another minute buy.”

The chair, the contents of the shed, even that damn coat. My memories of my husband don’t reside in those objects. When you lose your spouse, it’s hard to be so accepting of a fate that will eventually catch up to all of us. I wrestle with the “why” every single day. Even though I know it’s not for me to question, I still do. And even though I know exactly where my Joe is, some days I still don’t understand.

Time keeps moving forward. When our time here on earth is over, none of the things we’ve accumulated will matter. Also, if I don’t get stuff cleaned out, my son will probably just light a match to all of it after I’m gone. So, there’s that.