Not enough

All around me, I see people walking boldly in their faith. Widows and widowers who have lost their spouses, cancer patients fighting to survive, single people praying for a forever partner, parents asking for guidance for their children.

The people around me pray better than I do. They write about God more prolifically than I do. It seems every step they take begins and ends with Jesus. Meanwhile, I’m over here talking to Him in my car about how I’m feeling or what I’m worried about, simultaneously complaining about the car in front of me going too slow. There’s no organization to my process, no structure to my supplication.

I am always in awe of those who can say a prayer off the cuff. My brother-in-law is that way. It doesn’t matter where he is or who he is praying for. The words flow from him divinely. Many of my friends and family start their day in God’s word, or end their day the same way. My sister is so dedicated to the time she sets aside, and I’m envious of that. I’m not disciplined at all. I’m lucky if I remember to pick up my devotional before I go to bed, only to set it on the nightstand and forget to read it.

And all of this got me thinking. Am I doing it wrong? You see, I was raised in the Catholic church. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Catholic mass, but it’s literally the same thing every Sunday. And in the seventies and eighties a lot of it was in Latin. There were never any teachings about how to have a relationship with Jesus. And let’s be honest, even though I took all the classes, I wasn’t the best student.

So why do I feel so inadequate when I witness the religious boldness of everyone around me? I’m reminded of a quote from Teddy Roosevelt.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Comparing ourselves to others isn’t healthy for us emotionally. It can lead to feelings of inferiority or superiority. In my case, it leads me to believe that my relationship with God isn’t good enough. And if I really let my mind wander, it makes me think that I am not worthy of His grace. That I am not enough.

My walk with God may not look like everybody else’s. I’ve never read the good book from front to back. I can’t quote scripture off the top of my head. And honestly, that’s never gonna be me. And I’m okay with that. I’m certain that Jesus loves me right where I am. I know that He listens to me when I’m watering my garden, or baking in the kitchen, while I’m folding clothes, loving on my dogs, or driving to work. I also know that He doesn’t care how we talk, just as long as we do. And I’m certain He is walking right beside me every step of the way.

If you’re feeling less than or not enough, know that as long as you believe, as long as you lean in, as long as you trust in Him, there is no wrong way to walk with Jesus.