Love of a lifetime

As a favor and apparently a gift to my own well-being, it’s been suggested that I write a new letter to my friends and family offering an update on me. My therapist thinks it will help me see how far I’ve come. I went back and read the letter I wrote just five short months after Joe died. He’s been gone three years now. Compared to then, I do feel lighter most days. I’ll carry this grief with me forever, but it’s not quite as heavy as it once was.

Dear Friends and Family,

It’s been just over three years since Joe left this world. It’s still so surreal to say that out loud. The void he left behind is immense.

Life has returned to normal for me when it comes to work and routine. I’ve moved to a smaller house, away from the daily reminders of Joe’s absence. I’m closer to my son and I love that. I’ve conquered the challenges of doing things alone. Eating, sleeping, shopping. I still struggle socializing alone. Walking into a bar or restaurant by myself is something I cannot get used to. At home, the silence is also very difficult. I miss having someone to talk to at the end of the day. And I miss those hugs every day.

My son and his partner have been so incredible. I couldn’t ask for a better adult child than my Jeff. He is my heart. My family has been wonderful, and I still feel as much a part of Joe’s family as I ever was. Our friends haven’t stopped reaching out, and I rarely turn down any invitation these days. I love being with them, and I love that they continue talking about Joe and sharing memories of him.

I don’t find the weekends as hard as they once were. I’ve rediscovered my love of reading. I bake, a lot. My work family blames me for all the extra pounds, but I find a lot of peace in the kitchen.

I still talk about (and with) my Joe every day. And yes, I still occasionally yell at him for the silly things like our dogs and their crazy antics or when something breaks. I will never stop saying his name. Ever.

Today would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. Our marriage wasn’t perfect by any means, but we were perfect for each other. We had the love of a lifetime. I’m so grateful to have had that kind of love in my life. On this day, as I celebrate the time I was lucky enough to spend with my beautiful man; know that I am doing okay. I know where he is, and I know I’ll see him again someday. Until then, I’ll keep living a life filled with love for the both of us.

Love,

Kelly