Category: friendship
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Joy and grief
I had an epiphany this weekend! Okay, well maybe I had too many jalapeno margaritas, but that’s beside the point. People have been telling me that joy and grief can coexist. I didn’t understand how. I felt like I was “doing” grief wrong. How in the world can I enjoy life without my husband? After…
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Ain’t no mountain
Have you noticed your circle of friends is smaller than before your loss? I’m not talking about the new people you’ve met since your significant other died. I’m talking about the circle of friends you had before. There are two things you can anticipate when you lose your spouse. Friends who step in, and those…
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Gonna let it shine
Do you feel like you’ve turned a corner in your grief journey? After walking down the same long, dark path for the last 500 days, I feel like I finally have. I have no idea where I’m headed, but my soul feels lighter and I’m willing to move forward to find out. It could be…
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I Am Not Alone
Last night I sat in a stranger’s living room, gathered with a group of women who had one thing in common. We have all lost our spouses. It was the monthly meeting of our widow’s group. A time to gather, enjoy food, share stories, and lift each other up. Sometimes I’m angry on the drive…
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Grateful for connection
One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since my husband passed away is the loneliness. It’s interesting to me because there were many times when Joe and I would both be home, sitting in the same room, and not saying a word to each other. The silence in this house is deafening…
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Members only
I recently joined the local chapter of a nation-wide organization called “Never Alone Widows”. I attended my third get together last night. It was a “Friendsgiving” of sorts at the home of one of the ladies in the group. It was potluck, with delicious main courses, sides dishes and desserts. One by one women from…
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The best of me
Recently I realized something. I’m too old to be a young widow, and too young to be an old one. I’m kind of stuck in the middle somewhere. My grandmother was the same way. Only 63 when my grandfather died in 1979, she never remarried. She lived to be 98. I’m hopeful I have a…
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A safe place to land
I’ve been reflecting on the past a lot lately and thinking about all of the wonderful qualities my Joe had. We were friends before we were a couple. And a friend was exactly what I needed at that particular point in my life. Joe was so compassionate and the best listener I’d ever known. In…
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Firm foundation
These are my parents, Jim & Shirley. My parent’s love story is one for the ages. Married for 67 years, they met in 1955. Both were serving in the United States Air Force in Texas. Mom worked in the post office on base and dad was in flight school. He stopped in to get his…
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Friends who are family
Over the weekend I spent some time at our best friend’s home for their granddaughter’s birthday. They live on a family compound in a tiny northeast Oklahoma town not far from me. Their property is beautiful. Filled with bridges crossing streams, trees everywhere, a giant vegetable garden, and fun and games all around. We spent…
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Family tradition
My late husband Joe and I spent the better part of 10 years cooking on the competition barbeque circuit here in Oklahoma. Those were some of the best days of our lives. Setting up camp with twenty to thirty other teams, all hoping the judges liked our offerings the best. We won a few ribbons…
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Babe
My dear friend Jennifer came over on Monday. She brought us dinner, and we talked for hours about love and life, grief and survival. She understands exactly where I am because she walked this very path eight years ago after losing her husband Roger. Roger & Joe’s circumstances surrounding their deaths were very similar. She…
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Dear everyone
It was suggested in my grief group that I write a grief letter to friends and family so everyone knows exactly where I am. Honestly, it sounded a little narcissistic. But then I thought about my friends who have walked this path. It would have been useful to know how they were and what I…
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This ain’t nothin’
Boy, the pity party has been raging around here for days! It started when what I thought was a cold jumped into high gear two nights ago. I tried to sleep in the living room, sitting upright because I couldn’t breathe or stop coughing when I laid down. Instead, I was up all-night. It wasn’t…
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My ride or die
I was never the girl in high school who had tons of girlfriends, and I’ve never been a “girl’s night out” kind of gal. Honestly, I’ve never really had many girlfriends until I hit my 40’s. In the early 2000’s Joe and I were lucky enough to work at the same company (where I still…
WidowSpeak - Random thoughts after losing my husband 