Category: Loneliness
-
These dreams
Do you take something to help you sleep? I’ve taken 20mg of melatonin for as long as I can remember, but over the summer I started having terrible nightmares. Not sure what was causing it, I decided to cut back to 10mg. It’s taken a while for my system to sort things out. Going to…
-
Must love dogs
I rewatched one of my favorite movies over the weekend, “Must Love Dogs” with John Cusack and Diane Lane. I lived vicariously through all of her dating disasters in the safety of my living room, comfy in my chair, popcorn in hand, with one forty pound dog on my lap and one at my feet.…
-
The sky is crying
I took a picture of the mint I have growing in my backyard today. Just a few weeks ago it was thriving, big and beautiful, with fragrant leaves. I never thought it was possible to kill mint. It always seemed so invasive, so impervious to its surroundings. But the rain hasn’t stopped for weeks, and…
-
Just be yourself
I saw a post the other day on social media that said, “I will aim to be the kind of widow my husband would be proud of.” Honestly, it went all through me. My late husband Joe already was proud of me, when he was here, standing right in front of me. Proud of the…
-
Face the river
I’m sitting here watching a river of rain run through my yard. It’s been raining for days now. My yard is saturated, unable to drain fast enough. My 1980 septic system means no shower, or laundry, or, well you get the point. But outside isn’t the only place it’s been raining this weekend. I think…
-
These eyes
Time seems to be flying by at a record pace these days. My parents lived well into their eighties and both aged so very gracefully. As we get older, we expect to see progressive changes in ourselves. Our hair begins to gray, wrinkles become more prominent. This physical transformation is a beautiful reminder to embrace…
-
Anxious for no reason
Do you consider yourself an anxious person? I’ve always been high strung, even as a child, but anxiety didn’t creep in until my mid-fifties. I witnessed a shooting, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and then I lost three of the most important people in my life. Lately my anxiety is finding new ways to…
-
Being human
I’ve always been a little awkward, especially in social settings. I think that’s why my late husband and I worked so well together. He was the outgoing one. He knew everyone. And if he didn’t know you, he would by the end of your time together. He had this uncanny ability to make you feel…
-
Year 2
I’m halfway through my second year without my Joe, and I can tell you without any reservation that year two of this grief is harder than I expected. The first year I walked around in a fog, unable to process the trauma of everything. The flashbacks have come back in full force. Performing chest compressions…
-
2am
I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I fall asleep quickly but wake up multiple times in the middle of the night and just stare at the ceiling. Sometimes for hours. Maybe it’s insomnia, maybe it’s depression. I think I’m just lonely. I’m not talking about lonely for visitors. I don’t mean lonely for conversation around…
-
New year, lots more to say
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve always been a writer. When I was young, I wrote my parents letters when they would go out for the evening. I corresponded by snail mail with my grandma in upstate New York for years, sent cards to a family friend on all the random holidays (think Flag Day), and…
-
I don’t want to be lonely
I was watching one of my favorite movies, “Six Days Seven Nights” with Anne Heche and Harrison Ford. I found myself laughing out loud when well-endowed Angelica (Jacqueline Obradors) stood half naked in her bungalow trying to seduce a grieving yet secretly hopeful Frank (David Schwimmer). “It’s like after a funeral” she said. “Everybody has…
WidowSpeak - Random thoughts after losing my husband 