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I remember you
I had the weirdest dream last night. It was like a Hallmark movie only Joe & I were the actors. I’m sure this is because my tv has been on the Hallmark channel non-stop since he passed away. It’s the only thing that has no drugs, no screaming, no killing, no crime. I don’t really…
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Firm foundation
These are my parents, Jim & Shirley. My parent’s love story is one for the ages. Married for 67 years, they met in 1955. Both were serving in the United States Air Force in Texas. Mom worked in the post office on base and dad was in flight school. He stopped in to get his…
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The Dogfather
My husband Joe was THE BEST DOG DAD. He had many dogs in his life including Bogey the Great Dane, Sammy the Beagle-mix, and of course Grace & Hope the crazy rescues that I still have today. Joe treated his dogs like royalty. They all lived indoors, slept in bed with him, loved his barbecue…
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What’s in a name?
Widow. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word widow? I used to think of that deadly black spider. My Joe probably thought of Scarlett Johansson in those tight leather pants from The Avengers. Now it means so much more. If you mention you’re a widow to a stranger, their…
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Led by example
When my husband was just a child he lost his father suddenly. His death had a profound impact on my Joe, but as luck would have it, he would get another chance to have a father. His mom remarried and Joe and his little sister were adopted by their stepfather. When Joe and I married…
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Sounds of silence
Today is a day etched in my memory forever. The first of many anxiety attacks. On this day in 2017, a young man lost his life at a business just across the street from our house. I was home when it happened. Asleep on the couch with a migraine, jolted up in a panic at…
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Friends who are family
Over the weekend I spent some time at our best friend’s home for their granddaughter’s birthday. They live on a family compound in a tiny northeast Oklahoma town not far from me. Their property is beautiful. Filled with bridges crossing streams, trees everywhere, a giant vegetable garden, and fun and games all around. We spent…
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Sometimes love just ain’t enough
I fell down the big black hole of grief today. Deep into the hole. It’s been a while. It started with my mammogram screening. As I sat in that little room waiting to be called back, all I could think about was “what if something’s wrong” and “how would I go through that alone”. Next…
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Far behind
I found a sticky note under my desk pad this morning. I’d forgotten I put it there last summer with a list of all the concerts I bought tickets for. This was Joe’s 57th birthday present. I learned quickly the very best gifts for him were anything that had to do with music. We gave…
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Memory in your mind
Over the last eight months, the memories that Facebook reminds me of have been so hard to see. Happier times filled with smiles and laughter. I miss those times to my core. Today marks one year since our very last vacation we ever took together. We visited our favorite little beach town, New Smyrna Beach,…
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Total loss
You might remember I wrecked my car last week. I was at a four-way stop and just zoned out for a second and hit another car coming through the intersection. No injuries, no air bags deployed, and yet today my car was deemed a total loss. This morning, I went to the collision center to…
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The song remembers when
Do you ever fear you’re going to start forgetting your person? Forgetting certain memories, ways they made you feel, or what their voice sounded like? I’m lucky that I saved voicemails from my late husband Joe and can listen to them whenever I want. I even have some videos from our game nights with friends,…
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The part of me that’s you
It’s been such a beautiful weekend so far. A Gary Allan concert with a friend, a baby shower for my nephew and his wife, pizza night with my very best friends, and tonight, dinner with my son and son-in-law. The weather has been gorgeous (minus the wind, welcome to Oklahoma) and I was even able…
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Family tradition
My late husband Joe and I spent the better part of 10 years cooking on the competition barbeque circuit here in Oklahoma. Those were some of the best days of our lives. Setting up camp with twenty to thirty other teams, all hoping the judges liked our offerings the best. We won a few ribbons…
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Digging for diamonds
Do you ever find yourself looking for the bright spots in each day? Right after my husband passed away, I was hard-pressed to find any glimmers of light. A few months in and I started looking for them. I like to call this “digging for diamonds”. Looking everywhere for even the tiniest thing that made…
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