Tag: Joy
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Oh October
Hello October! Last month, at the two-year mark of my husband’s passing, I decided to stop being a bystander in my own life and really start living again. My last blog chronicled the beginning of that new journey with a quick trip to our favorite beach to honor my sweet man. Not so much to…
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You can’t always get what you want
“Happiness is a choice.” A friend of mine posted this quote on the Facebook the other day. She then asked others what that quote meant to them. The responses were interesting, and expected, and some were even inspiring. It’s so easy to say “I choose to be happy” when life is going well. On the…
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The house that built me
We gathered this week, in our childhood vacation spot, to honor my parents. I thought we were there for closure. Our dad passed away in August 2022, mom following in April 2023. They were cremated, did not want any funerals, and their ashes have been sitting in my living room ever since. It’s been an…
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Times like these
I joined a new online grief group recently. I was looking for answers. It only took reading a dozen posts to realize there wasn’t a single person there who could answer my questions, because grief is such an individual journey. Of course, the individual journey continues, and with it comes days of sadness that are…
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I remember you
I had the weirdest dream last night. It was like a Hallmark movie only Joe & I were the actors. I’m sure this is because my tv has been on the Hallmark channel non-stop since he passed away. It’s the only thing that has no drugs, no screaming, no killing, no crime. I don’t really…
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The Dogfather
My husband Joe was THE BEST DOG DAD. He had many dogs in his life including Bogey the Great Dane, Sammy the Beagle-mix, and of course Grace & Hope the crazy rescues that I still have today. Joe treated his dogs like royalty. They all lived indoors, slept in bed with him, loved his barbecue…
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It’s okay to be okay
Throughout my grief journey many people have told me “It’s okay to not be okay”, and they were right. There are no rules when it comes to grief. Someone came up with the stages of grief a very long time ago (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). And all those things do happen, but they don’t…
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Who knew?
I was talking with my sister-in-law the other day about an upcoming trip we’re going on. Joe’s mom and his sisters are coming with me to the beach in the fall. I wanted them to see where Joe loved to be. And while we are there, we’ll be leaving some of him behind in his…
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Friends who are family
Over the weekend I spent some time at our best friend’s home for their granddaughter’s birthday. They live on a family compound in a tiny northeast Oklahoma town not far from me. Their property is beautiful. Filled with bridges crossing streams, trees everywhere, a giant vegetable garden, and fun and games all around. We spent…
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Memory in your mind
Over the last eight months, the memories that Facebook reminds me of have been so hard to see. Happier times filled with smiles and laughter. I miss those times to my core. Today marks one year since our very last vacation we ever took together. We visited our favorite little beach town, New Smyrna Beach,…
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You are not alone
I’ve learned so much about myself in the last seven months. So much about grief, life, acceptance, and hope. Yes, hope. Death is the only thing in this life that is guaranteed. We will all die. But when it happens to someone in the prime of their life it’s so much harder to accept. Watching…
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Get over it
If there is one thing I’ve learned in the last two and a half years, it’s to stop worrying about things I can’t change. Now before you go jumping on your soapbox, let me explain. Every day we are inundated on social media, in the news, and in water cooler conversations about the state of…
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In your eyes
You know how they say the eyes are the windows to the soul? It’s so true. I could tell how Joe was feeling just by looking into his eyes. When he was really tired his eyes were super light with tiny specks of green. When he was very sick, they were almost black and so…
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Bloom
Easter is upon us. A time for rebirth, new life. Not just Christ’s rebirth, but everything around us as well. The flowers and the trees are coming alive again after lying dormant for so many months. I can’t help but think God planned it so his Son would rise again just as His Creation would…
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Learning to walk again
I wish I wasn’t someone who was tied to dates and calendars the way I am. It’s the nature of my job as an executive assistant. And the nature of my personality as an organizer, the scheduler of all things. An attribute that is also one of my biggest faults. It’s been six months since…
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Digging for diamonds
Do you ever find yourself looking for the bright spots in each day? Right after my husband passed away, I was hard-pressed to find any glimmers of light. A few months in and I started looking for them. I like to call this “digging for diamonds”. Looking everywhere for even the tiniest thing that made…
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Love you anyway
I’ve been thinking a lot about the last 25 years of my life with Joe. So many wonderful memories, and some not so great ones too. We certainly didn’t have the perfect marriage, but we were perfect together. We were the epitome of peanut butter and jelly, cookies and milk, peas and carrots. Joe was…
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Music heals the soul
One of the greatest things Joe & I leaned on during his cancer battle was worship music. Music spoke to us in ways that scripture couldn’t, in ways that preachers didn’t. Cancer initially reignited our faith out of fear, but as the journey continued that fear was replaced with hope and our faith grew stronger…
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An eagle, a deacon & so much joy
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and my first thought wasn’t about my loss. How amazing is that? Last night I attended the Eagles Long Goodbye Final Tour in Tulsa. Joe’s sister & her husband were gracious enough to buy me a ticket to go with them. The Eagles are…
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Somewhere in the sunshine
I firmly believe those who have gone before us having the ability to send us signs. Joe has sent me more than a few since he passed away last September. I love receiving messages from him in the form of a seashell in an unusual place, glitter from 20 years ago, or an extra snuggle…
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Listening to the wind
One of Joe’s most favorite artists was Merle Haggard. Merle was one of a kind. His music spoke to you. It was music for the everyday man, and it was lightening in a bottle. Never to be duplicated again. My parents adored Merle as well and listened to him on every road trip. I remember Joe…
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JJ Grey was our saving grace
Music. It’s my saving grace and it also magnifies the chink in my armor. Whenever a JJ Grey & Mofro song comes on I smile immediately. Joe found this funky mix of swamp and soul music during chemotherapy back in 2018. The song that got him hooked “This River” makes me cry, and I haven’t…
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Abundant blessings
Have you ever wondered if it was possible to live with a grateful heart when that same heart is shattered into a million pieces? Well, I am here to tell you that you can. Today was such an amazing day. My sister-in-law met me unexpectedly at home for a delicious lunch and wonderful conversation. My…
WidowSpeak - Random thoughts after losing my husband 